Just me

pickled bologna

2008-07-08T23:44:00.002-04:00

Why doesn't the majority of this planet have pickled bologna?

HOME AT LAST

2008-07-03T10:50:00.003-04:00

On Friday, June 27, I climbed what I hope was my last tower ever. My wife is now a bonafied nurse(BN) and I am no longer obligated to wander the land. I will probably not get too serious about finding a job until after the kids go back to school. I have a lot of hugs and spankings to catch up on.

Nothing funny here.

2007-12-15T20:19:00.000-05:00

Sorry all. I miss my family and home too much to try and be funny and ridiculous. I would start a blog on being homesick and ready to kill my hotel roomates, but i'm not sure how popular it would be. I shall see you all again in happier times.

Missing

2007-03-03T10:32:00.000-05:00

Yup, he's missing. I guess technically not missing, but at least he is not here. We are missing him though!!! Jon had to take a job out of state. The timing pretty much coincided with my starting clinicals for nursing, and yes, since you asked, I am losing my mind! He comes home whenever he can, but has been working 7 days the last couple weeks. We are very ready for a visit. I will let him know he needs to update his blog when he comes home. Although I do not comment, I still read all your blogs faithfully. You are all very good company (even if you don't know you are).

Want more hits?

2006-11-24T14:21:00.000-05:00

If you've just written that Pulitzer prize winning blog post, and feel it deserves a little more attention than you've been getting, try signing up and submitting the post to Reddit.com

http://reddit.com/

Depending on how interesting you are, this sight will usually get you anywhere from 50 to an unlimited number of hits. It puts your post on a list where it is voted up or down until you are no longer on the list. I've had one post get over 300 hits in less than 24 hours.

Kind of fun, Good Luck.

Thou shalt not covet.

2006-11-23T10:51:00.000-05:00

When I first published photos of my flamed out mower, a very dear friend of mine became filled with jealousy, and coveted my mower. It consumed his every waking hour. It began to affect our friendship, and even his marriage.

But just like the Grinch, he soon saw the error in his ways, and his heart grew three sizes. As token of getting over his insatiable lust for my mower, he sent me the latest modification to my lawn rod:

THE SKULL SHIFTER KNOB!!!!!

Thanks Rizzo.

News Flash: I'm Still Getting Old.

2006-08-26T09:32:00.000-04:00

It seems that once again, I am given another reminder of the fact that I am not as young as I used to be. Due to repeated injury over the years, I have developed a large "boob" like growth on my elbow, that the elbow specialist doctor has informed me is permanant.

Had I only known that this condition would be the result, I might have held off on a few "Atomic Elbow" moves back in my "I'm going to be a professional wrestler" days.

While I must admit that having a "boob" permanantly attached to my elbow has it's own advantages (being a male), it also provides me with yet another sign that I'm getting old.

It had to be done.

2006-08-14T20:37:00.000-04:00

There is now one less project standing between me and blogging.

Remember me?

2006-07-30T21:52:00.000-04:00

Hello! I'm alive. I haven't forgotten you all! I've just been quite busy.

Here are the top ten things that are keeping me from blogging.

1. Building towers so that everyone has more "bars" on their phones.

2. Battling lice. Not a joke. I shall certainly have to post on this episode someday.

3. Quitting smoking. Going well I guess. No one has died yet.

4. Landscaping on a budget. This involves digging up rocks in the yard and making piles of them in front of the house.

5. Girls softball.

6. New member of family, Jack. Half German Shepard, half Collie, and full of sh........ poop.

7. Mowing my lawn with my new used riding lawn mower. I think next weekend, I shall paint flames on it.

8. Helping "friends" with trees that have been damaged by several recent storms. Friends that I seem to only see after violent, tree damaging storms.

9. Thinking about exercising.

10. Working on being a "Fun Dad", instead of just a funny one.

Sorry I haven't posted in so long or visited any of your blogs. I shall try to get back into it when I can.

I Have Figured Out LOST!

2006-05-24T23:18:00.000-04:00

I've figured it out. It's so simple. After watching the seasons' last show, I have figured out that the show itself is like the button: Pointless and neverending. Just an experiment to see if we'll keep watching. There is someone on the other side of your TV screen watching and taking notes that they put in a capsule and send up a tube.

2006-05-20T12:11:00.001-04:00

2006-05-20T12:11:00.000-04:00

2006-05-20T12:07:00.000-04:00

2006-05-20T12:06:00.000-04:00

2006-05-20T12:05:00.000-04:00

Skyline.

2006-04-09T21:35:00.000-04:00

Have you ever tried Skyline chilli? I am now to the point that I would kill for it. Unfortunately, people from Ohio seem to want to hog it all for themselves, and the only place I can get it is at Meijer's in the frozen section. I won't let the kids try it because they might like it. I tell them it's cat diarrhea.

Signs of Spring!

2006-03-31T17:08:00.000-05:00

Spring must be here! The tornados have returned from their southerly winter migration.

Stupidity

2006-03-26T21:06:00.000-05:00

I recieved a ticket for not having proof of vehicle insurance. I did in fact have the insurance, I had just misplaced the piece of paper that said so. The fine was $125, unless I could produce the proof of insurance at the court, at which time the fine was recuced to $25 dollars. Fair enough.

A month later I get a letter from the Michigan Department of Treasury telling me that I owe them $200 dollars this year and next year due to the recently enacted "Driver Responsibility Law". This is a system by which we are penalized twice for traffic offenses.

The law is the brain child of Sen. Jud Gilbert, who enacted it to promote greater traffic safety and to deter potentially dangerous driving behavior. I feel much safer now that people who do not have their piece of paper will be fined two hundred dollars two years in a row. Many is the nights that I lie awake in bed trembling at the thought of being on the same roads with people who do not have a little piece of paper stating that they do infact have insurance. This is stupidity. The law covers many tickets, so if you are lucky enough to get a citation, don't think that you are done when you pay the court, the state now wants theirs, and it's more than the courts want.

To find out more:http://www.michigan.gov/driverresponsibility

To sign a petition against it : http://www.petitiononline.com/mdrl06/petition.html

RANT!

2006-03-23T20:16:00.000-05:00

Rant 1

Extreme Make Over : Home edition, a good show about doing good things for people (even in spite of the boat loads of money that they're making on the show). But why on earth would they build these million dollar replicas of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory for a few hurricane victim families, instead of building twenty more realistic houses for twenty families? I'm not the first to wonder.

Rant 2

For years, Hollywood has distorted what the average man perceives as a beautiful woman. Picking only the most drop-dead georgious women for all movie and television roles. Even nerds, in hollywood, are Vogue cover girls with glasses and their hair up.

But alas! These women of perfection are still not happy with how they look. They are now carving their faces, elephantising their breasts, starving themselves to the point of being unsightly, and injecting their lips in order to puff them up, leaving them looking like the victim of a domestic dispute. Just watch any of the many award shows, the red carpet has become a circus side show, a parade of ugly, disfigured freaks.

And to all of this I say HOORAY! We can now watch as the beauty of "ordinary" women all over the world, makes it's triumphant comeback!

This ranting is fun, I should do this more often.

Funny.

2006-03-14T21:49:00.000-05:00

My brother is over in the Gulf. In his last email, he wrote this and it makes me laugh. (It's meant as a joke and not intended to make fun of the fact that war IS hell)

Its kind of funny several companies have brought over trailers that look like carnival food stands, we have a pizza hut, burger king, baskin robin/dunkin donuts, and coffee beanery. I can't help but think that they didn't have such things in Vietnam or WWII. Pardon the phrase but when I walk by the coffee beanery and see people getting cappuccino's I always think to my self... "war is hell," and chuckle.

Really sorry.

2006-03-10T22:44:00.000-05:00

Sorry that posting on both blogs is a little sparse. Between working excessive hours and laying on the couch whining about being sore, I have little time left over. I shall produce a post over the weekend.

I'M NUMBER ONE!!!!!

2006-03-07T20:05:00.000-05:00

My wife is not nearly as excited about this as I am.

http://www.wirelessestimator.com/t_content.cfm?pagename=Climber%20Fatalities

Amazing

2006-03-04T20:47:00.000-05:00

I just dropped a dish of spaghetti sauce on the floor. Why would this be post worthy? I will tell you.

I dropped the rather large glass bowl of spaghetti sauce between the dining room and kitchen. The amount of splatter was actually amazing. I think that the fact that the bowl did not break amplified the coverage of mess. The sauce, exploded in the direction of the kitchen, fanning out as it got farther from the point of impact. The side of the refrigerator was covered quite generously. From there, what did not end up on the fridge, continued across the kitchen and landed on: both upper and lower cupboards, wall and ceiling, not to mention a clearly marked trail across the floor.

From the point of impact, to the farthest point the sauce hit the ceiling was about nine feet. We can safely assume that the sauce was still on an upward trajectory, due to the fact that it landed on the ceiling. So, if we pretend that the sauce had reached the apex of it's travel at the height of the ceiling, and nine feet from it's point of origination, we can then calculate that the sauce would have gone a distance of nearly eighteen feet had it's path been uninterrupted. However, the splattering of the sauce that impacted the ceiling, leads me to believe that it had not yet expended it's upward energy at the height of the ceiling, meaning that the sauce very well could have traveled well over the distance of twenty feet. This is astonishing.

It took a half an hour to clean up, and more than a whole role of paper towel. A new rule was created as a direct result of this incident; Only dads are allowed to napalm the kitchen with spaghetti sauce and laugh about it. All other members of the household are required to display the proper fear that their lives are about to end.

I have only one regret. I forgot to take a picture of the carnage. I could kick myself for this. I am even considering making another bowl of spaghetti sauce and dropping it in order to recreate the scene for pictures.

sorry.

2006-02-27T22:20:00.000-05:00

Sorry. The new job has me a little busy. Posts on both my sights may be a little infrequent as this job involves some travel, and I do not have a lap top. I am working on a new "How Not To Guide" post, but as I have said before, I shall not compromise the level of stupidity that you have become accustomed to, for the simple sake of posting "something".

A little sore.

2006-02-23T15:26:00.000-05:00

Somebody hasn't done any tower work in a few years. That same somebody spent eight hours one day and nine and a half hours the next, hanging from a tower. Somebody is a little sore. Somebody is trying to convince his wife to push him around in a wheel chair, but I don't think he's getting anywhere with his request.

Tower guy

2006-02-15T17:49:00.000-05:00

It is official. After ten years, I am no longer a tree guy. I start for Andrew Corp on Monday as a cellular phone tower climber (tower hand). I will be heading to Mansville(?) Ohio, where I shall help in bestowing six new antennas on a tower there. So if you live near there, look for the guy hanging out at about two or three hundred feet.

Interview

2006-02-11T18:31:00.000-05:00

I went to my Oakland County Road Commision job interview. Not sure how it went. They told me that employees receive two weeks vacation and three personal days per year. I told them I would like to take a personal day effective immediately, and that maybe we could finish the interview when I returned. They didn't seem amused. I guess it could be weeks or months until I know.

In the mean time, I have an interview with Andrews Corp. on Monday. This is a cell phone tower climbing job (YEAH! more climbing!). This job involves some out of state travel. Maybe I'd end up crossing paths with Ernie (The Deliberate Wanderer). I am more confident in getting this job. It has pretty good benefits, which is what I seek.

BACON

2006-01-26T00:16:00.000-05:00

Have I ever mentioned how much I love bacon? I loooooove bacon, but maybe not as much as this guy http://betterwithbacon.blogspot.com/

I want it!

2006-01-25T23:34:00.000-05:00

I have an interview with the Oakland County Road Commission! Is this good? YES, I want it I want it I want it!

Imagine that.

2006-01-22T22:47:00.000-05:00

The wife and girls went up to visit grandma for the weekend. When they returned home, Hannah and Natalie were actually fighting over who got to sit next to dad on the couch......imagine that! I better enjoy it because tomorow I'll be returned to my normal "dork" status.

Wanted: employment.

2006-01-12T19:12:00.000-05:00

Work wanted: tree trimmer who doesn't mind trimming trees except for the fact that he still has to climb them to do it. Able to type thirty words per minute, except at least half of them are mis-spelled. A definate people person, fun and obnoxious all rolled into one. Not discouraged by people who don't like him, or perhaps oblivious to it.

Salary requirements: Just a little more than I have now.

Tagged.

2006-01-08T23:08:00.000-05:00

I have been tagged by Adrienne from JUST MY JUNK (see links on HOW NOT TO GUIDE). I am to write five odd habits that I have. I have revealed a few of them in the past, so being a fairly boring normal guy, some of these may be previously published.

1. Every day when I come home, I greet and hug the cat before my wife and kids. The cat is less than impressed, as well as my wife and kids.

2. I only clean out my truck when it becomes difficult to find room to sit in it.

3. When I discover a long nose hair, it must be removed immediately, even if this means doing it during the wedding of a family member. . . . . even if I was a groomsman in a family members wedding.

4. I watch the news and weather constantly, but at any given moment, I could not tell you what is going on in the world or what the weather is going to be.

5. I am on a mission to make the world a better place by convincing people that they should be more like me.

four more things about me

2005-12-23T22:00:00.000-05:00

5. I am not a morning person. I hate mornings. I hate you in the morning.

6. I make new friends by the dozens. I also have a very bad memory. The combination of the two is very annoying to the wife because by the weekend, I have told seven different people we would come over, and she is left to sort out the mess.

7. I carve furniture out of large logs (no pieces, just one big log). I sold one chair for $1400 (I get to brag a little don't I?).

8. I love to come home on a Friday, and when my wife asks how much my check was (which she always does) I say $236. This innevitably sends her into a panic, trying to figure out how we will pay the bills. She falls for it every week.

Bring out your dead!

2005-12-20T19:40:00.000-05:00

The flu has arrived at our home, and it is taking no prisoners. The bodies are beginning to pile up. I stacked some of them on the couch and popped in a video to keep them in place, but I can't help but wonder when the english guy with the cart will be by yelling, "Bring out your dead!"

Four things about me.

2005-12-17T02:54:00.000-05:00

One hundred things? I don't think so. That would take a long time. I'll give you several installments of "four things about me".

1. I am compelled to always honk at cows when I drive by them.

2. I married my high school sweet heart. We have been together for more than half our lives.

3. I love Vienna sausages.

4. For some unknown reason, I always point with my finger when I raise my right arm to apply deodorant. Sort of like the famous John Travolta "Saturday Night Fever" pose.

sympathy please!

2005-12-10T17:27:00.000-05:00

Twenty four hours of snow plowing between Thursday night and saturday morning. Please deposit your sympathy in the slot marked "comments".

Hick's fifth day of Christmas.

2005-12-07T21:43:00.000-05:00

My dear Hick, from Beemused in the country has posted on the Fifth Day of Christmas and the unwritten law that each household must contain at least one Christmas decoration that is so hideous and annoying that it is difficult for guests to look upon it or hear it.

My pride and joy is "Christmas Duck". He was one of the "white elephant" gifts that are a part of my wife's family gift trade. From the moment I first saw him, I knew I had to have him. I lusted for "Christmas Duck".

He is a fairly realistic plastic duck that is apparently dressed in a bear outfit (see his ears and fur) and then a holiday Santa hat and vest was added for good measure. You may have noticed that he was the victim of a horrific accident last year that left him without his legs. An accident, by the way, that is still under investigation. Not every one in this house has the same appreciation for "Christmas Duck" that I do.

BLOGGER

2005-12-07T20:18:00.000-05:00

Seems like things were going so good for a while there, but now we're right back to not being able to accomplish much unless you have the hours required.

Stupid cat.

2005-12-06T22:56:00.000-05:00

I love the cat. I want the cat to be my friend, but the cat doesn't know I exist. I try to buy her friendship with tuna, but she doesn't seem to care. I feel like I'm back in high school, trying to get noticed by the "in-crowd", but the furry "in-crowd" just thinks I'm the nerd who fills up her bowl.

My wife doesn't care much for the cat. She probably would shed no tears if it chose to ignore her. But the stupid cat loves my wife. It won't leave her alone.

Is that fair? Will someone please explain to the cat about fairness and not being snobbish!

Trying to be entertaining.

2005-12-02T23:55:00.000-05:00

I never realized how hard it was to try writing something designed to entertain people.

I have to wonder how many humor writers ended up getting divorced because, in the middle of a heated argument, they would stop their spouse and say, " Hold on, I gotta write this down. It would make a funny story. Now, did you call me a pig headed bastard, or basket case? It was hard to tell with you screaming like that."

That Time of Year.

2005-11-27T22:18:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again. No, not Thanksgiving and Christmas, I mean our anniversary. This is a very stressful time of the year for me. What to do? I've been thinking about buying her a new fishing rod. That way, if she doesn't like it, I can always use it. If I bought her a new chainsaw, I suppose I could use that too if she didn't like it.

I have to figure out where to take her for dinner too. I was thinking some hot wings from HOOTERS would be nice, but my "anniversary and birthday advisor" has suggested I think of something else. Perhaps Italian? Yes, Italian. I can even get Italian delivered. The Supreme with a dozen cheesy bread sticks.

YAY!

2005-11-21T18:42:00.000-05:00

YAY!, Winter is here!. . . I'm being sarcastic. I do love ice fishing, though. I may enjoy it a little too much. I sometimes try to get out on some of my shallower spots when the ice thickness is around two and a half inches. This has resulted in me being immersed waist deep in water that is so cold that it literally sucks the breath out of you.

Work tends to be painful during the winter.

Funny, it never seems as cold ice fishing as it does when I'm at work, even when the temperature is the same.

Some winters, when tree work goes idle, I have worked on wireless tower crews as a tower hand. There are no calm days at 300 feet, and at ten degrees temparature, I'm quickly hating life. Maybe I'll try to find tower work in Florida this year.

Maybe I'll start the "HELP JON STAY HOME AND WATCH TV ALL WINTER" fund.

Comment spam is the work of SATAN!

2005-11-16T22:10:00.000-05:00

These *#&*#$@!! comment spammers are now going back and spamming posts that are four or five months old. They are slime. They are bottom feeders. On my hit counter, I can sometimes tell where a visitor was refered from. For some reason, the spammers show up as being refered from my own site.

I hate to think I'm going to have to enable the setting that lets me review each comment before it is posted.

It must take a certain breed of person to be able to make a living by annoying people. spammers, telemarketers, state troopers named Jim, who give out seatbelt tickets.

Nightmare

2005-11-15T20:38:00.000-05:00

My nightmares are compounding, last night I dreampt that I was falling and falling, and just as I was about to hit the ground, I realized that I had left the house this morning without putting any pants on.

There's something wrong with our camera

2005-11-14T19:44:00.000-05:00

There's something wrong with our camera. Whenever we take a picture of Natalie and load it into the computer, It never ends up looking like her.

The wife keeps saying some nonsense about Natalie being a clown and an entertainer like her father. . . whatever. She obviously just doesn't understand technical things like the digital camera.

I will be returning it tomorrow for one that works better.

I can hear it just fine!

2005-11-12T22:54:00.000-05:00

I was just sitting here enjoying my new blog with one of my I-tunes playlists playing, when Cynthia, who is watching TV, asks me if I can turn it down. Feeling the need to jam, I find a pair of head phones and put them on to make both parties happy. Getting into the jam, I crank the volume. I then see my wife angrily mouthing words so I turn it down. "Do you have those things plugged in or what?" she says. Assuming I had since I could hear the music just fine, I gave her some "what-for" back. Then I looked down.

HA HA, Moron put on the head phones, cranked the jams, and neglected to plug in the stupid things.

A New Blog

2005-11-12T19:41:00.000-05:00

Having written the HOW NOT TO GUIDE TO PARENTING AND MARRIAGE for over half a year now, I began wanting to have the ability to just rant, or brain fart, or post pictures, but I felt the the HOW-NOT-TO GUIDE was not the place. It is more for writing fiction (although alot of it is true, or inspired by truth).

So now I will test drive the JUST ME blog. My intention is for it to be a little more daily life, perhaps a little less entertaining, but also more real. Hopefully I can post more without the pressures of trying to be funny. Oh, and by the way, I am going after EPIPHANY'S one day posting record (tee hee).

Me.

2005-09-22T21:59:00.000-04:00